Contributions

Good Omens, Bad Dogma
June 25, 2019 · 2 


The effort to quash this series was great for TV, great for atheism, and great for America for the following reasons:

1. Uhh… Nexflix did not produce or air Good Omens. Amazon Prime did. So their original petition with 20,000 names on it was, at least initially, an embarrassing waste of time.

2. Christians still haven’t learned from past boycotts. The best way to heap tons of publicity on a creative endeavor is to protest it and boycott it! Martin Scorcese’s The Last Temptation of Christ, Robert Maplethorpe’s photography, and countless authors have benefitted from church prohibitions of their work. People instinctively flock to see what all the hubbub is about – which is a great boost in this age of media oversaturation.

C. If overzealous Christians are spending their time on TV shows, maybe they’ll have less time to try to tell a woman what to do with her body, fight environmental progress, or any number of harms they do to civilized society.

Ham’s Sham
June 17, 2019


How can you honestly expect the atheist community to get behind your project when the building and structure of your ark is so vastly different from Noah’s ark? Noah could follow simple instructions. Why wouldn’t you heed God’s word?

What you did is like doing Civil War reenactments with assault rifles and Kevlar jackets. Or depicting Galileo looking at the moons of Jupiter with a 14” Celestron telescope. The Ark Encounter is so inaccurate we simply can’t take it seriously.

Good Friday for Atheists
April 19, 2019


Just because I don’t share religious beliefs with someone doesn’t mean I think that they should be harmed in any way. Quite to the contrary. If you feel the need to kill people because of a difference of opinion, you’ve lost the argument. Validity of beliefs should rest on the merits of the arguments, not the size of the spear.

SNL & Catholic Chutzpah
March 12, 2019


Their response to the skit is unfathomable chutzpah. The acme of self-delusion.

You know the old definition of chutzpah: A kid kills his parents and then asks the judge for mercy because he’s an orphan.

The Catholic Church, from which I escaped relatively unscathed, has outdone itself. The Diocese of Brooklyn crying harassment & bias because someone mocked them for decades (centuries?) of child molestation is akin to John Wayne Gacy saying that he deserves a lighter sentence for hiring lots of teen boys who needed summer jobs.

Don’t Cross Us
March 7, 2019 · 1 


But noooooo. People – even those in our supposed-to-be secular government – are constantly trying to foist their particular religion on the rest of us – and have been for over 200 years. Placing crosses and 10 Commandments on public property is no different from gang-bangers tagging buildings in their neighborhood or dogs pissing on fire hydrants. It’s simply a form of marking turf and saying we are in charge here.

God IS Pro-Trump!
January 31, 2019 · 1 


Here are a few other things God also wants (or wanted):

Spina bifida, cockroaches, serial killers, landslides, osteoporosis, hurricanes, cavities, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo TV show, flat tires, tornados, hemorrhoids, diabetes, bad breath, kidney disease, leprosy, polio, pot holes, farts, boogers, pimples, eczema, warts, mosquitos, mold, rats, plague, the (Jewish) Holocaust, all the other holocausts, Richard Nixon, pigeon poop, tsunamis, crappy Wi-Fi reception, diarrhea, excessive earwax, alopecia, urine that smells like asparagus, phlegm, frostbite, fish die-offs, broken shoelaces, people who don’t have their payment ready at the cash register, myopia, hip dysplasia, humidity, influenza, Hell (see 9 Circles of Atheist Hell), DVDs that skip, breast cancer, lung cancer, throat cancer, cervical cancer, prostate cancer, the other 100+ kinds of cancer, the 1969 Chicago Cubs, tapeworms, hair where you don’t need it, no hair where you do need it (see alopecia above), Adolph Hitler, jellyfish, poisonous snakes, poisonous everything else, dogs who wipe their asses on carpets, unappreciative cats…

9 Circles of Atheist Hell
January 29, 2019


Circle #5

A perpetually non-air-conditioned Catholic church in August in Chicago. You are sentenced to an eternal wedding mass which includes taking communion, doing all the Stations of the Cross, and an interminable homily about the sanctity of marriage from a man who’s never been married and never will. You had to go to confession beforehand, during which the priest recognized your voice and knew you were bullshitting him with venial sins to try to get the confession over with quickly.

The groom’s bachelor party was the night before where you were timed to see how fast you could drink juice glasses full of warm Southern Comfort. In church you notice grass stains on your suit, and 4 of your fingers are swollen. You don’t know whether to puke or pass out.

Circle #6

The L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibit on Hollywood Blvd. Because you gave the church all your money and can no longer afford housing, you are sentenced to an eternity of talking tourists from Des Moines into forsaking the religion they grew up with by trying to convince them that aliens landed on earth 75 million years ago on modified DC 8 airplanes.

When Tom Cruise arrives (yes, he’s there too) to inspire the workers, you are punished for laughing at his height. They hook you up to an e-meter with a short in the circuitry and shock you until you salute an animatronic L. Ron Hubbard in his navy costume for stints of 10,000 years.

Atheism Defined & By the Numbers, God’s Burning Love
January 10, 2019


That’s right, if you’re not going to church, not tithing, not praying, not doing all the things that will get you a 50-yard-line seat in the afterlife, you are screwed in the eyes of most Abrahamic religions and walking on thin ice in many of the others. Religion favors the devout, so if you’re watching football on Sunday morning, you might as well own up to the “A” word. You’re going to burn either way. (I should point out that any religion that doesn’t have some version of hell associated with it isn’t worth worrying much about. Sorry Bahá’ís)

But don’t worry atheists; you’ll have plenty of company in H-town. Let’s look at the numbers.

At over 2 billion adherents, Christianity is the world’s largest religion. But it only comprises just over 30% of the world’s people. That means that on a good day, almost 70% of those who die worldwide will be taking a dip in a lake of fire. (See John 3:16-20 for confirmation that non-Christians are BBQ-bound.)

Of course, plenty of God-fearing Christians will miss the exit ramp to the Pearly Gates too. Even a casual tune-in to the TBN will reveal the many roads to perdition. So can we safely say that (even Christians believe that) at least 3 out of 4 people are destined for eternal damnation? Easily 3 out of 4.

No matter how you crunch it, all individual religions are a vast minority in the world.

The Atheist AND Christian War on Christmas
December 12, 2018


I happen to think the “War on Christmas” is a hyped-up Fox News (sic) creation that lines up nicely with the rest of their business model: convince the American public that something dear to them is in imminent danger of being ripped from their bosoms – so they’ll keep watching… Fox News.

The rippers are, variously, the liberals, Hillary Clinton, socialism, Nancy Pelosi, the left, Hillary Clinton, the atheists, Barak Obama, everyone in California, and Hillary Clinton.

But this war is really more like a highly localized skirmish, and there is at least a little blame to go around for people being uptight during this time of year. So here I will attempt to straighten things out with some frank talk to both the Christians who think Satan’s minions (and Hillary) are trying to put a halt to everything Christmas, and to the atheists who become enraged every time they see Santa Claus.

Atheist 10 Commandments
November 20, 2018


11. Take a moment every day to be grateful
No matter how bad it gets, someone out there is worse off or dead. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?
You, on the other hand (if you’re actually reading this and not merely in a coma), aren’t dead yet.

So there’s that.

It’s just got to be mentally healthy to shift your thinking from what’s wrong with the world (or your life) to what’s right — at least once in a while. Hope springs eternal.

I don’t know who the hell this Hope is, but I think she’s got the right idea… springing like she does… whatever that means.