Godless Immortality at Last
August 30, 2018


This is the ultimate question because wanting to stay alive is built into our DNA. Most creatures that actually have brains generally do their best to keep the clock ticking. This means that even atheists — who, like short people, have no reason to live — for some reason still care about living… as long as we can… forever even… somehow.

We know that’s not possible (yet!), but even though we don’t believe in nirvana, Hades, Valhalla, or heaven (as if we could get in), that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t mind continuing on for a few millennia.
So how do we deal with the inescapable understanding that when we die, our very existence (for all intents and purposes) comes to a screeching halt? It’s a bit depressing to even write that.

The answer is that we – atheists, believers, Cub fans… everyone – are all immortal in at least one of the following three ways. You will NOT cease to exist – at least as long as the universe is still around. (And without a universe, what’s the point?)

Here’s how…

Ape Church, Agnostics vs Atheists, Godless but pro-Trump
August 22, 2018

,

Are you agnostic about Santa Claus? Probably not. I suspect that your ability to disprove the existence of Santa Claus is on par with your ability to disprove God. Such is the case with believing any negative concerning existence. If there is insufficient evidence to believe in any proposition, then you live your life as if that thing doesn’t exist — until some solid proof comes in.

There may be some other universe or dimension in which I have no bald spot, but until I cross paths with my hairy-crowned self, I’ll continue to wear hats.

Atheists for Aretha, Hell? Please…, A Zero Golf Score
August 15, 2018


Hell doesn’t scare me. I played football in Chicago in August. Please… hell would be a cool breeze compared to 95 humid degrees in full pads.
Anyway, did you ever wonder why God designed us with so many flaws, then built hell to punish us for those flaws? Seems a bit circular, doesn’t it?

Atheist Godfather, Holy Home Runs, Black Jesus
August 8, 2018


Celebrant: Do you reject Satan and all his works?
Me: I do. This was easy. Satan is fictional. I reject him, Santa Clause, and leprechauns.
Celebrant: Do you reject sin, so as to live in the freedom of God’s children?
Me: I do. For me sin is dropping a good slice of deep dish pizza onto a dirty floor. Or sitting on a $9 cigar. I’m against lots of those kinds of sins.
Celebrant: Do you reject the glamor of evil, and refuse to be mastered by sin?
Me: I do. I mean… I’ll try. I won’t let any bad habits master me, though I reserve the right to dip my foot into Lake Sin every now and then.

Religion in Caves, God Flunks Engineering School
July 25, 2018


  Is there any evidence that our closest relatives (living or extinct) harbored religious beliefs? —Al Not to my knowledge, though if anyone has any info about Neanderthal or any other cousin practicing rudimentary religion, I’d be interested too. Of course, early humans had nothing of the organized religion you see in more modern history …

Xenu, Murder, and Declining Heaven
July 18, 2018


Is there anything positive in religion? Research shows that some dogmatic atheists are unable to see anything positive in religion. Aside from being a positively wonderful target for your devilish sense of humor, what do you find that is positive in religion? James Well “James” (if that’s your real name), I’m not sure what a …

Mormon Spray, Geriatric God, Sarah Silverman & Jesus
July 11, 2018


Why are the religious so irritating?? Mormons are invading at the moment and I can’t spray for them 🙁 Shaun Does Shark Tank know about this anti-Mormon spray? I may want a piece of that action. Short of poisoning proselytizers who visit your home, consider asking the cherry-faced young chaps in for a talk. Ask …

Christian Nation? A loving God? Agnostics in Foxholes?
July 4, 2018


Happy 4th of July everyone… and as George Carlin once said, “Let’s get right into the heavy sh#@.” Is the U.S. a Christian Nation? R. Frapples Yes and no. It is in the sense that the largest religion is Christianity, but if you mean was the U.S. founded as a Christian country, then the answer …

Sex with the Unchurched, Atheist for Trump, Benny Buck$
June 27, 2018


As a general rule, is sex with an atheist better? Let me know. —Curious in Kentucky (This question was asked in one form or another multiple times…) The answer is yes. Much better. Much much better. Let’s put it this way: I’m sure there are plenty of believers who can raise the old flag, if …

Nature vs. Nurture, Verified Miracles(?), and Why do you hate God?
June 20, 2018


I don’t hate God, Homer Simpson, or any other fictional character. Though I have seen Homer Simpson.