5 Things I wish Trump WOULD Endorse
July 16, 2020 by

Trump should be allowed to promote – as vigorously as he’d like – the following list of products and brands to his supporters.

Homemade Fugu

Mmmm mmm, I do love me some Fugu on the barbie. When I have some of the other millionaires-claiming-to-be-billionaires over for a back-porch cookout, I love to surprise them with some pufferfish. I make the best fugu. Ask anyone. They tell me it’s hard to clean properly, but how hard can it be? You cut, gut, and toss it on the grill. It’s the best. I’m the best.

Satan at CFI? Save your Dime…
May 12, 2020 by

Jim Underdown: Hello?

Caller: Hi, how you doin’?

JU: Good, what can I do for you?

Caller: Well I wanted to know exactly what area you guys were in, because I had been in the area and I had heard you guys were going to turn the place into a Satanic Temple. Is that true?

JU: No.

CALLER: Oh it’s not true?

JU: Nope.

Contemplating Death, Cremated Knees and $200 bills
April 7, 2020 by

Hell, I’ve dodged a few bullets – motorcycle crashes, mountain-climbing mistakes, and other stupid, life-threatening exploits – but surviving those is no inoculation from my eventual demise. I know that bastard with the black hood and scythe will find me eventually. It’s one of the toughest things about being human – contemplating your own death. Sometimes I envy mosquitos, oblivious of quick hands and purple martins…

I M GOD, Westboro Baptists for Atheism
February 19, 2020 by

It might have gone like this in court:

  • State of KY: But your honor, this is ridiculous. How can they compare Mr. Hart to our lord and savior? Jesus walked on water and raised the dead!

  • Hart: I can do that.

  • State of KY: Let’s see you!

  • Hart: I’ll do it when the court witnesses Jesus do it.

Neil Peart, Skeptic
January 17, 2020 by

Last week Neil Peart, the drummer and main lyricist for the rock band Rush, died. He’d been living in California and privately battled brain cancer for several years. The Canadian trio (Alex Lifeson on guitar, Geddy Lee on vocals, bass, and keyboards, and Neil Peart on drums) announced they’d stopped touring in 2015, after 40 …

Good Omens, Bad Dogma
June 25, 2019 by

The effort to quash this series was great for TV, great for atheism, and great for America for the following reasons:

1. Uhh… Nexflix did not produce or air Good Omens. Amazon Prime did. So their original petition with 20,000 names on it was, at least initially, an embarrassing waste of time.

2. Christians still haven’t learned from past boycotts. The best way to heap tons of publicity on a creative endeavor is to protest it and boycott it! Martin Scorcese’s The Last Temptation of Christ, Robert Maplethorpe’s photography, and countless authors have benefitted from church prohibitions of their work. People instinctively flock to see what all the hubbub is about – which is a great boost in this age of media oversaturation.

C. If overzealous Christians are spending their time on TV shows, maybe they’ll have less time to try to tell a woman what to do with her body, fight environmental progress, or any number of harms they do to civilized society.

Ham’s Sham
June 17, 2019 by

How can you honestly expect the atheist community to get behind your project when the building and structure of your ark is so vastly different from Noah’s ark? Noah could follow simple instructions. Why wouldn’t you heed God’s word?

What you did is like doing Civil War reenactments with assault rifles and Kevlar jackets. Or depicting Galileo looking at the moons of Jupiter with a 14” Celestron telescope. The Ark Encounter is so inaccurate we simply can’t take it seriously.

Good Friday for Atheists
April 19, 2019 by

Just because I don’t share religious beliefs with someone doesn’t mean I think that they should be harmed in any way. Quite to the contrary. If you feel the need to kill people because of a difference of opinion, you’ve lost the argument. Validity of beliefs should rest on the merits of the arguments, not the size of the spear.

Don’t Cross Us
March 7, 2019 by

But noooooo. People – even those in our supposed-to-be secular government – are constantly trying to foist their particular religion on the rest of us – and have been for over 200 years. Placing crosses and 10 Commandments on public property is no different from gang-bangers tagging buildings in their neighborhood or dogs pissing on fire hydrants. It’s simply a form of marking turf and saying we are in charge here.

God IS Pro-Trump!
January 31, 2019 by

Here are a few other things God also wants (or wanted):

Spina bifida, cockroaches, serial killers, landslides, osteoporosis, hurricanes, cavities, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo TV show, flat tires, tornados, hemorrhoids, diabetes, bad breath, kidney disease, leprosy, polio, pot holes, farts, boogers, pimples, eczema, warts, mosquitos, mold, rats, plague, the (Jewish) Holocaust, all the other holocausts, Richard Nixon, pigeon poop, tsunamis, crappy Wi-Fi reception, diarrhea, excessive earwax, alopecia, urine that smells like asparagus, phlegm, frostbite, fish die-offs, broken shoelaces, people who don’t have their payment ready at the cash register, myopia, hip dysplasia, humidity, influenza, Hell (see 9 Circles of Atheist Hell), DVDs that skip, breast cancer, lung cancer, throat cancer, cervical cancer, prostate cancer, the other 100+ kinds of cancer, the 1969 Chicago Cubs, tapeworms, hair where you don’t need it, no hair where you do need it (see alopecia above), Adolph Hitler, jellyfish, poisonous snakes, poisonous everything else, dogs who wipe their asses on carpets, unappreciative cats…