Columbine School Shooting Myths: 20 Years Later
April 22, 2019 by

A few days ago marked the twentieth anniversary of the Columbine High School massacre, in which two senior students in Colorado killed twelve students and one teacher before ultimately killing themselves. The crime received extensive news coverage and inspired many copycats and a Michael Moore film, Bowling for Columbine. Early reportage of high-profile events (and …

Good Friday for Atheists
April 19, 2019 by

Just because I don’t share religious beliefs with someone doesn’t mean I think that they should be harmed in any way. Quite to the contrary. If you feel the need to kill people because of a difference of opinion, you’ve lost the argument. Validity of beliefs should rest on the merits of the arguments, not the size of the spear.

SNL & Catholic Chutzpah
March 12, 2019 by

Their response to the skit is unfathomable chutzpah. The acme of self-delusion.

You know the old definition of chutzpah: A kid kills his parents and then asks the judge for mercy because he’s an orphan.

The Catholic Church, from which I escaped relatively unscathed, has outdone itself. The Diocese of Brooklyn crying harassment & bias because someone mocked them for decades (centuries?) of child molestation is akin to John Wayne Gacy saying that he deserves a lighter sentence for hiring lots of teen boys who needed summer jobs.

Of Monuments, Christian and Confederate
March 11, 2019 by

At first glance, a 40-foot cross in a traffic circle may not have that much in common with an over 60-foot statue of Robert E. Lee in a traffic circle, but they do—I mean other than their obstructing the free flow of traffic. There are significant similarities between the recent arguments over the removal or …

Don’t Cross Us
March 7, 2019 by

But noooooo. People – even those in our supposed-to-be secular government – are constantly trying to foist their particular religion on the rest of us – and have been for over 200 years. Placing crosses and 10 Commandments on public property is no different from gang-bangers tagging buildings in their neighborhood or dogs pissing on fire hydrants. It’s simply a form of marking turf and saying we are in charge here.

When is a cross not a cross? How Accommodation and Ceremonial Deism have led us here…
February 26, 2019 by

This Wednesday, February 27th, the Supreme Court hears oral arguments in American Legion et al. v. American Humanist Association et. al. Better known as the Bladensburg Cross case, it deals with a challenge to the constitutionality of a war memorial on public land. The memorial in question isn’t small, and isn’t inconspicuous. It’s a 40’ …

With Alabama Execution Case, Supreme Court Declares that Only Christianity Matters
February 11, 2019 by

Town of Greece v. Galloway, 572 U.S. ___ (2014): Local government can start public meetings with sectarian prayers. Burwell v. Hobby Lobby Stores, 573 U.S. ___ (2014): For-profit corporations can hold religious beliefs, and use them to gain an exemption from a law requiring them to provide insurance covering contraception to their employees. Trinity Lutheran …

God IS Pro-Trump!
January 31, 2019 by

Here are a few other things God also wants (or wanted):

Spina bifida, cockroaches, serial killers, landslides, osteoporosis, hurricanes, cavities, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo TV show, flat tires, tornados, hemorrhoids, diabetes, bad breath, kidney disease, leprosy, polio, pot holes, farts, boogers, pimples, eczema, warts, mosquitos, mold, rats, plague, the (Jewish) Holocaust, all the other holocausts, Richard Nixon, pigeon poop, tsunamis, crappy Wi-Fi reception, diarrhea, excessive earwax, alopecia, urine that smells like asparagus, phlegm, frostbite, fish die-offs, broken shoelaces, people who don’t have their payment ready at the cash register, myopia, hip dysplasia, humidity, influenza, Hell (see 9 Circles of Atheist Hell), DVDs that skip, breast cancer, lung cancer, throat cancer, cervical cancer, prostate cancer, the other 100+ kinds of cancer, the 1969 Chicago Cubs, tapeworms, hair where you don’t need it, no hair where you do need it (see alopecia above), Adolph Hitler, jellyfish, poisonous snakes, poisonous everything else, dogs who wipe their asses on carpets, unappreciative cats…

9 Circles of Atheist Hell
January 29, 2019 by

Circle #5

A perpetually non-air-conditioned Catholic church in August in Chicago. You are sentenced to an eternal wedding mass which includes taking communion, doing all the Stations of the Cross, and an interminable homily about the sanctity of marriage from a man who’s never been married and never will. You had to go to confession beforehand, during which the priest recognized your voice and knew you were bullshitting him with venial sins to try to get the confession over with quickly.

The groom’s bachelor party was the night before where you were timed to see how fast you could drink juice glasses full of warm Southern Comfort. In church you notice grass stains on your suit, and 4 of your fingers are swollen. You don’t know whether to puke or pass out.

Circle #6

The L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibit on Hollywood Blvd. Because you gave the church all your money and can no longer afford housing, you are sentenced to an eternity of talking tourists from Des Moines into forsaking the religion they grew up with by trying to convince them that aliens landed on earth 75 million years ago on modified DC 8 airplanes.

When Tom Cruise arrives (yes, he’s there too) to inspire the workers, you are punished for laughing at his height. They hook you up to an e-meter with a short in the circuitry and shock you until you salute an animatronic L. Ron Hubbard in his navy costume for stints of 10,000 years.

Atheism Defined & By the Numbers, God’s Burning Love
January 10, 2019 by

That’s right, if you’re not going to church, not tithing, not praying, not doing all the things that will get you a 50-yard-line seat in the afterlife, you are screwed in the eyes of most Abrahamic religions and walking on thin ice in many of the others. Religion favors the devout, so if you’re watching football on Sunday morning, you might as well own up to the “A” word. You’re going to burn either way. (I should point out that any religion that doesn’t have some version of hell associated with it isn’t worth worrying much about. Sorry Bahá’ís)

But don’t worry atheists; you’ll have plenty of company in H-town. Let’s look at the numbers.

At over 2 billion adherents, Christianity is the world’s largest religion. But it only comprises just over 30% of the world’s people. That means that on a good day, almost 70% of those who die worldwide will be taking a dip in a lake of fire. (See John 3:16-20 for confirmation that non-Christians are BBQ-bound.)

Of course, plenty of God-fearing Christians will miss the exit ramp to the Pearly Gates too. Even a casual tune-in to the TBN will reveal the many roads to perdition. So can we safely say that (even Christians believe that) at least 3 out of 4 people are destined for eternal damnation? Easily 3 out of 4.

No matter how you crunch it, all individual religions are a vast minority in the world.