Don’t Cross Us
March 7, 2019 by

But noooooo. People – even those in our supposed-to-be secular government – are constantly trying to foist their particular religion on the rest of us – and have been for over 200 years. Placing crosses and 10 Commandments on public property is no different from gang-bangers tagging buildings in their neighborhood or dogs pissing on fire hydrants. It’s simply a form of marking turf and saying we are in charge here.

When is a cross not a cross? How Accommodation and Ceremonial Deism have led us here…
February 26, 2019 by

This Wednesday, February 27th, the Supreme Court hears oral arguments in American Legion et al. v. American Humanist Association et. al. Better known as the Bladensburg Cross case, it deals with a challenge to the constitutionality of a war memorial on public land. The memorial in question isn’t small, and isn’t inconspicuous. It’s a 40’ …

The Atheist AND Christian War on Christmas
December 12, 2018 by

I happen to think the “War on Christmas” is a hyped-up Fox News (sic) creation that lines up nicely with the rest of their business model: convince the American public that something dear to them is in imminent danger of being ripped from their bosoms – so they’ll keep watching… Fox News.

The rippers are, variously, the liberals, Hillary Clinton, socialism, Nancy Pelosi, the left, Hillary Clinton, the atheists, Barak Obama, everyone in California, and Hillary Clinton.

But this war is really more like a highly localized skirmish, and there is at least a little blame to go around for people being uptight during this time of year. So here I will attempt to straighten things out with some frank talk to both the Christians who think Satan’s minions (and Hillary) are trying to put a halt to everything Christmas, and to the atheists who become enraged every time they see Santa Claus.

10 Commandments Under Fire Part II
October 17, 2018 by

Yeah, yeah, yeah, stealing is wrong. Even apes and wolves know that. Try grabbing a gorilla’s last banana and making a run for it. When he catches you, shakes you like a can of spray paint, eats the banana you stole in front of you, and shoves the peel into your ear, that’s his way of saying stealing is wrong.

Because he instinctually knows – as do we – that stealing is wrong. How many apes can recite the 10 Commandments?(Probably about as many as congress members.)

The point is that if apes don’t need this spelled out, why do we?

10 Commandments Under Fire
October 11, 2018 by

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

This is a problem. Every major pro sport plays on Sunday. God doesn’t want to mess with the NFL.

And Christian women, look closely at this commandment and notice who doesn’t get a day off… YOU!

Cattle get the Sabbath off. Strangers within thy gates (there are plenty of these in my neighborhood) get the Sabbath off. Slaves? Yep. (and this is pre-OSHA)
Women? Sorry. No.

One more thing here. Why does the all-powerful creator of the universe need rest? Does he get tired after a long week of whipping up matter and energy? Is he out of breath or have a stitch in his side? If you are ALL-powerful, you are in tremendous shape. Ironman triathletes don’t have to rest when they walk up a flight of stairs. Apparently God does.

Behind the Gopherwood Curtain, Norman the Bad Elephant, God Loves SOME of You…
October 4, 2018 by

Are you worried about going to hell? (Laughter) I mean, what would you say if you died and ended up in hell?

I’m not worried because I don’t think hell exists.But if I died and actually did end up in hell, I’d be surprised. You gotta be kidding me, I’d say. All indications were that this is a myth!

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Satan; Alone in Alabama
September 18, 2018 by

That’s the god that launched Crusades, fosters intolerance among peoples, and keeps the psychiatric, psychological, wine and pot industries profitable. People don’t smite their enemies in the name of a universal energy force that keeps order in the universe.

China’s Muslim Concentration Camps Represent an Affront to Humanist Values
September 10, 2018 by

CFI stands proudly in support of freedom of speech, freedom of inquiry, and freedom of religion, even when we don’t agree with the ideas that others may come to from such freedoms. In the United States, we are seeing the notion of freedom of religion being twisted from freedom of belief into a privilege to …

Ape Church, Agnostics vs Atheists, Godless but pro-Trump
August 22, 2018 by

Are you agnostic about Santa Claus? Probably not. I suspect that your ability to disprove the existence of Santa Claus is on par with your ability to disprove God. Such is the case with believing any negative concerning existence. If there is insufficient evidence to believe in any proposition, then you live your life as if that thing doesn’t exist — until some solid proof comes in.

There may be some other universe or dimension in which I have no bald spot, but until I cross paths with my hairy-crowned self, I’ll continue to wear hats.

Atheist Godfather, Holy Home Runs, Black Jesus
August 8, 2018 by

Celebrant: Do you reject Satan and all his works?
Me: I do. This was easy. Satan is fictional. I reject him, Santa Clause, and leprechauns.
Celebrant: Do you reject sin, so as to live in the freedom of God’s children?
Me: I do. For me sin is dropping a good slice of deep dish pizza onto a dirty floor. Or sitting on a $9 cigar. I’m against lots of those kinds of sins.
Celebrant: Do you reject the glamor of evil, and refuse to be mastered by sin?
Me: I do. I mean… I’ll try. I won’t let any bad habits master me, though I reserve the right to dip my foot into Lake Sin every now and then.