Top Ten Uses for Assault Weapons

January 2, 2013

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In light of continued mass shootings using assault weapons, and the argument of some (including many espousing “humanist values”) that such weapons have no purpose other than mass killings, I have provided this helpful top-ten list of uses:

  1. For mass killings;
  2. To blast windows and locks to gain entry for mass killings;
  3. To facilitate standoff or getaway in mass killings and other crime sprees;
  4. For how-to demonstrations in mass-killings training sessions by paranoid conspiracy groups;
  5. For target practice in rehearsing mass killings;
  6. As movie prop for portrayal of mass killings;
  7. As inspiration for animated video games that fantasize mass killings;
  8. As model for children’s toys for pretend mass killings;
  9. As noise-maker for celebrating defeat of legislation to prevent mass-killings; and
  10. As museum exhibit on history of mass killings.