Top Ten Uses for Assault Weapons

January 2, 2013

In light of continued mass shootings using assault weapons, and the argument of some (including many espousing “humanist values”) that such weapons have no purpose other than mass killings, I have provided this helpful top-ten list of uses:

  1. For mass killings;
  2. To blast windows and locks to gain entry for mass killings;
  3. To facilitate standoff or getaway in mass killings and other crime sprees;
  4. For how-to demonstrations in mass-killings training sessions by paranoid conspiracy groups;
  5. For target practice in rehearsing mass killings;
  6. As movie prop for portrayal of mass killings;
  7. As inspiration for animated video games that fantasize mass killings;
  8. As model for children’s toys for pretend mass killings;
  9. As noise-maker for celebrating defeat of legislation to prevent mass-killings; and
  10. As museum exhibit on history of mass killings.