July 11, 2020 at 3:15 pm #331633
I have the day ‘off’ so had a chance to reflect on my past couple days of following around a 14 month old and that got me to some deeper mediations on his early days and his continuing transformations, and humanity’s long chain of generations.
I distinctly remember watching my daughter’s birth and that horrifying spit second when the skull plates scrunch together, overlapping edges in order to allow all that bone to fit through that amazing mother. Only once the bones are through, does the brain follow and force itself through the canal, then into that scrunched up skull, which suddenly bulges into full blossom as the brain takes up full residence. Quite the shock to behold unprepared.
That’s why humans are born functionally premature. This is also why humans are so malleable, they have entered the world before being fully formed, so they adapt to immediate situations, rather than being forced to live within evolutionary constraints like creatures who must be born ready to run and survive on their own.
Back to the brain forcing it’s way into the skull, seems to me that’s when a fetus takes on the mantle of personhood. Awakening to the world, partially formed and ever changing (evolving ;-). Tiny changes, hourly, daily, nonstop discovery, absorbing, experiencing, remembering, learning, growing.
For immediate caregivers those first months are among the profoundest experiences in their lives. In the moment, seemingly endless, yet within a few beats it belongs to memory.
Within the infant’s mind vague shadings resolve into shapes, noise resolves itself into voices, then other stuff, which in turn triggers concepts and thoughts within that tiny brain. All the while that little body is flaying around as ever more neural connections learn to resolve sensations into recognition: Oh wow!, that thing belongs to me, Oh wow!, fingers, oh wow, I can control them. Learning to use them together with legs and body to master crawling, the constructive cascading consequences never end, until we die. But never as exuberantly, or beautifully, as during those first months, years.
The last time I was here it had previously been about 6weeks since last seeing him, this time thanks to COVID it’s been 6 months, now he’s 14 months and walking around. Hasn’t quite soloed yet, though just might happen during my next week here.
Last time when I arrived, he just started crawling, he saw the stranger come in, I said hello but kept a respectful distance as I greeted parents. He kept crawling closer, eye darting all over my face, I mean I could see him calculating, then with the sweetest little nose scrunch he cracked the puzzle, connected with a memory and broke into a huge grin. I know you, I love you, as he dove in for a big hug.
This time it wasn’t like that. I missed him the evening I arrived, so walked into the breakfast scene with him in his highchair. He just looks at me, the new guy, studying me, but I’d been away too long for him to connect with a memory.
He kept watching me as I chatted with parents and when breakfast was done and I asked if I could help him out of his chair, he reached up to me, letting me know, yeah we’re good, I think. When it was time for parents to disappear into offices and work, he objected, but they were gone and he settle down right away and as the morning progressed the distance melted away. Now we were forging new memories within the framework of an inner trust.
Later at one point we were near his mom’s office with her on the phone and voice ringing through the door. Hearing her voice he beelined to her door and let out a howl. Maaa. I swooped in and carried him off to the living room explaining, sorry but she’s working, and he settled right in. Mind you he’s had a chance to get used to that routine, but most the time it’s the maternal grandma who had to go somewhere. Thus I’m here.
Way easier load than last time, when one parent, or both were gone and there was much more caring and nurturing and night time vigils – now he pretty much sleeps through so parents got it and it’s basically two four hour shifts. No play pen, it’s his world and we are here to serve and protect and watch the show. So it’s four hours* of undivided attention he receives and me of course, I do all I can to keep him going and to feed his curiosity. *okay, he does take one nap during the day.
The whole point and what I recognized this morning during my day “off” was that though I think he couldn’t actually connect with an “real” memories of me, he did recognize me on a deeper of level of smell, sound, feel, ‘aura’ if you like. I’m part of his select group, first foremost mom & dad, then three grandparents. There are other people in his life, but we are the caregivers, everyone else is in the bleacher section. 😉
It’s nice to be a part of that and back to building fresh memories and enjoying each other’s company.
But wait there’s more:
- This topic was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by Citizenschallenge-v.3.
July 13, 2020 at 3:43 pm #331719
- This topic was modified 3 weeks, 3 days ago by Citizenschallenge-v.3.
Few, if any, objects in the universe are as amazing as an infant’s brain.
Literally seeing and hearing them increase their vocabulary over the course of a single day blows me away. The ability to learn language simply by being exposed to it is crazy!
If/When I have grandchildren, I’m going to be in my glory, watching and appreciating the wonder of what I’m witnessing as they go through all the changes from infant to adult.July 13, 2020 at 11:26 pm #331733
It’s always nice when some folks get it.
Makes me glad I try to catch the moment on paper once in a while.July 14, 2020 at 8:08 am #331734@laustenKeymaster
My wife does “Auntie” weeks with some of the kids in our life. This week it’s a 9 year old. Her face is starting to show some adult features but she still flails around like a child. When she arrived I asked her if she is all grown up now. She said, no, with a giggle, then, “still a lot of life to live”. Yeah. She’ll do okay.July 14, 2020 at 8:23 am #331736
“It’s always nice when some folks get it.”
Agreed. Whenever I see something amazing I wish others were as amazed as me.
Thanks for being amazed too.
There seems to be a general lack of appreciation for how awesome everything is. People are too caught up in themselves to really ‘see’ what’s around them (at least beyond how it affects them personally.) We need schools to generate a feeling of wonder in students more than they need to cram facts and ideas into them.
A society full of wonderers would lend itself to enlightenment as a natural consequence, rather than the current state of having it forced on them then many reject it and run the other direction into Trumps warm embrace. [You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it realize that free healthcare is good and businesses running everything is bad.]
Well, I gotta get back to work. My parting comment is that I hope that ‘wonder’ can infect the next generation more than it has ours. We need more people who get misty-eyed over a child learning to walk or say a new word or show recognition towards a familiar face or voice.July 14, 2020 at 9:33 am #331741
She said, no, with a giggle, then, “still a lot of life to live”. Yeah. She’ll do okay.
We need schools to generate a feeling of wonder in students more than they need to cram facts and ideas into them.
We need parents to share their sense of wonder and get actively involved in with their children from day one and all the days that follow. Schools are great for instilling knowledge, parents are required to instill curiosity, enthusiasm, faith in the world, self-awareness, sense belonging, sense of it mattering, and so on.
Yes there are fantastic teachers, that rescue some, but its the parent who are the first responders and most responsible.
Just look at what can happen when such parental influence doesn’t exist.
There’s a new book on the topic written by Mary Trump:
“Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man,”July 14, 2020 at 9:58 am #331743
It’s obvious that parents aren’t sharing an appreciation for wonder. They either never had it or it’s atrophied due to the societal environment we’re stuck in. The mindless quest for money and personal comfort have stripped it from many.
Wonder doesn’t pay and takes energy to do, so who’s going to ‘waste’ time reading or watching nature or pondering the universe or watching a child grow?
I’ve heard of the book from one of the threads on here. It sounds interesting. Too bad it’ll only be read by those who already know what it is about.
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